5 baby sitting tips

*Breathe in* Whatever I say here and now will sound exaggerated, but it’s not. Believe me.

The past few days have been a roller coaster, but to sum things up, some family members were seriously ill, some passed away, some just delivered, and some are still in a bad state.. And in the middle of all of this, I’ve been baby sitting my cousins while people have been in and out. If you know me, you’ll know I’m not a kids person. I don’t like them, and I have no idea how to deal with them, and so having to sit with a 5 and a 7 year old, was treacherous. I mean it. Here’s what I learned.

1- Do your best not to shoot them in the head

Be VERY patient. Be shrewd and calm and composed and all the synonyms in the world. The will climb everything they can possibly climb, they will want to “watch the cars” from the balcony. They will want to use your phone, iPad, whatever technology you have to play games. They’ll ask for food, when you haven’t prepared anything, and they won’t eat when the food’s ready. They’ll nag, cry for their parents, make horrid loud noises and do everything in their hands to drive you mad. Stay calm.

2- Don’t shoot yourself either

Often too, they’ll want you to play with them. Whether it’s an awful car that doesn’t even work, or a Barbie/baby born that needs some sort of “care”, they’ll want you to be part of their make believe game. Very often, you’ll play the role of a sick person, a servant, or an equally demeaning role. Hold that gun aside and do not shoot yourself. It gets better.

3- Bathrooms

They want to shower. Now. At 2 am, they’ll just randomly out of the blue, get into the tub and ask you to shower them. They’re already half naked, so you can’t really say no. So now there’s a dilemma because they’re shy but they need help with warming the water, shampooing etc, so you have to find middle ground. You have to. Before it turns into melodrama and the neighbors think you’re slaughtering a kid in the bathroom in the middle of the night.
Speaking of bathrooms, you’ll also get called a few times during the day to do some dirtier work. You should be close by, and ready.

4- Phone calls and parents
The reason why I stressed on “keep calm” is that their parents will know everything. Every single breath you took will be reported to their parents in phone calls. They will use your phone if you’re distracted for a minute, call their parents, and complain about anything you did. Whether because you hid that lollipop because they were getting too hyper, or lowering the TV’s deafening volume, the whole family will know.

5- Questions?
You’ll  be bombarded with all types of questions when they’re bored. They will get up close and personal at a point. Why aren’t you married? Do you have a boy friend? Who are you texting? Is that a picture of your friend? How many kids do you want? Why do you lock your laptop? Why are you so fat? Where is your mother? How is so and so related to us? Tell me a story. Don’t you have anything to do? And it goes on. Try to distract them when they’re at this phase to save yourself some serious consequences. (See number 4)

Lastly, try to survive.

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